Wasn't she finally happy?

After you were gone, she left a part of her with you. She was never quite the same as before. She tried though, to recover, I could see that but it never seems to be enough. Her walls were rock solid, I couldn't see her anymore. She buried herself among the piles, her defensive mechanism was higher than ever. I think she manage to convince herself at times that she was happy, however I saw through all that, I mean I never saw her dimples anymore. Her interest in book left her, something I never thought would happen.

I know she yearns for you every night, can't stop thinking about you, I see the pain. She couldn't let go of all the empty promises, the effort, the sacrifice, she was constantly hoping you will come back for her. You input all these lies on her, she believed it was for forever.

I went to her house every now and there. Your photos, gifts, cards and memories were all there. She say she's lazy to, but I know those lies. There was a photo of you two underneath her pillow with dried up tear stains. She was suffering. I always wanted for her to talk about it, the pain, how she felt, but she never did. She was never the kind of person that like to share her feelings, secrets and problems. Kept those close to her heart despite all those wounds.

The tattoos on her body were reminders to love herself, never settle. She always had a low pain tolerance but maybe the tattoos were never the ones hurting her. I wanted her to be better, they say time heals all, all but her. Moving on was not a forte of hers.

One day she just snapped. She called me, telling me to take care of myself. To have faith despite losing hers. I knew something was wrong. She hung up after that, that was the last time I ever heard her voice.

Her demons never left her. But I like to think that this set her free. Despite all those pain we are feeling right now, she gotta be happy for herself. And if this is the way for her freedom, I think it's worth it.