Expectation

It lures you to think that what you want will eventually happen.

But of course, in my case, reality takes over. My expectation pops like a bubble and brought me back to the truth. Things don't go the way you plan, the way you EXPECT it to. Because words are cheap, you can say a thousand of them and it still would meant shit to me. If you say you would do this and that, prove it to me. I can obviously say it too, but if I can't do it, why would I lie to you?

Especially when you make me expect it. If you can't do it, don't promise me. Don't mention it to me, don't even go near that topic. Because I'm done. Done from all those empty words, all those deceive, I look at actions, not hearing the things coming out from your mouth.

Sometimes I wonder why do I let myself go there, why expect? Maybe it was because I trust that you would do it. You will do what I thought you would do. I guess I'm just foolish to even think you would cross a river when you wouldn't even pass through a puddle for me. I was looking forward to it you know? My heart sank when I knew.

Why pick this time? You know my time is limited. I'm constantly finding time to see you because you're important to me. I only have three months, and my first month is ending soon. Why can't you understand? Can you get through you pea brain that I can't be as free two months later?! All those time when I'm not free, you could have find them. Why are you only taking what little time I have left to do all these bullshit. Do you not care at all? AM I THE ONLY ONE CONSTANTLY TRYING? Will you only understand when I'm not there anymore?! Why are you taking it for granted?

Do you even care about how I feel? You do things without thinking, without consequences. That's who you are. I should have known by now. But I constantly forgive, and sometimes try to forget. I lower my expectations, things I would do for you in a heartbeat wouldn't even cross your mind once. You're such an irony. Foolish to even cry over this bullcrap. You disappoint me yet again. 2 hours and counting.

Expectation kills.

And you murdered me.