Maybe it's just a word, a phrase, a sentence that knock you off balance. It's just that one simple thing that drives you nuts, drives you insane. You try not to look back, but one way or another, only that keeps you alive. You reread it over and over again until you can barely forget about it. You think it's a dream. He couldn't have said it to you, but he did. Your mind wandered off, your body stiffen, you are in a complete daze. Everything is true. Everything you read, it's actually there, and it's not going away.

What's said has been said. It cannot be taken back. No matter how much you want him to. It's just not possible.

You find ways to lie to yourself, because it's what you do. You sleep, and you wake up. Everything would be fine as always. Life would be okay. No, it's not going to be a bed of roses. It stays in you. Every word, everything that has been spoken, they are kept inside you. Trying to hide it doesn't work. It's not okay to hurt yourself mentally. It drains you alive, left empty, broken, speechless. Your head starts to ache, your breath gets faster and faster. It's hard to breathe.

It's easier to stay at a corner and bawl. Easier to hurt yourself physically than mentally. That warm bright liquid drips and drips, your ashes starts to burn. You wish you could have the courage. You wish you could ignore other people's happiness. You want to put yourself in front of everybody else, you can't. Like I always say, and always feel, death is for someone who is ready for it. You will only die when you truly had enough of life. Enough of happiness, sadness, anger, frustration. But if you're not ready, no matter how much you want to die, you wouldn't be able to do so. "Miracles" are just things that people say when it's not your time yet.

But the thing is...

I rather have scars on my wrist than tears in my eyes.

It only takes 20 seconds of courage. I always treat that as a love story. Maybe it isn't. It only takes 20 seconds of insanity, of sadness, of betrayal to give up on yourself. After all, you have to think, it's not all that difficult to commit suicide.