From the start, was my defenses up? Has the walls been build up long ago, and I happened not to notice it? And that you're the first one to ever realise it. Is that why I never manage to fully opened up to anyone else? Is that why every relationship of mine was deemed to be a loss from the beginning? So many questions but only I could answer for myself. Is it even possible that I had been lying to myself all along? What's scary is, I never noticed it before. Do I not know what I want? What I'm thinking of? How much of myself did I actually know, actually discovered? It seems like I have never understood myself at all. Not even for that mere second.

It's easy to say "I love you", everyone can do it, but the thing is, do you mean it? But how is it that it was so natural to love you, adore you, dote you? Seems like I could ever stop loving you. Never stop staying by your side. It always feels like I couldn't leave you. I might be screwed up, but I can't lie to what my heart is saying. Whenever you're sad, my heart breaks, when you're angry, my heart aches, and etc. A single movement by you determines your mood at that actual moment, and I change according. How weird huh? Seems like I was deemed to love you from the start.

So why am I confused? Do we really need time? How do I do all this? Why now? I'm hurting, aching, I'm totally wrecked. I'm trying so hard, but everything makes it worse. The feeling that I get when I kiss you, when I embrace you, the texts I get from you, all that must change?

Why does it seem impossible, why am I doing this?

If I love you this much, why am I taking such a long time to decide?

Hard to love, but easy to love you.